Tag Archives: poetry

Let me breathe

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

The world is collapsing in on me, suffocating me and pressing me down, collapsing me in on myself. I spend too much time in the presence of only my own simple being, and my latest theory, the one that I came up with on the bus on my way home, is that it’s ruining me. It’s breaking me because it’s making my world smaller. I realized that I haven’t been out of the house without reason for a long time. I make my way to school, I make my way to the bus and back from the bus and a few times every day I go out to my house, since I live in a little cabin in our backyard. And every time I go there, I take a few seconds to just stand in our garden and look up at the clouded sky. And I never realized that I need more of that, it’s droplets when I crave rivers.

Today it’s hate-weather, the type that makes my friends sigh, but I suddenly realized the freedom of it. The sky is clouded but the spring is closing in and the days aren’t as dark anymore. Small drops of rain are falling from the sky, but it’s fresh. And I suddenly realized that I need a freaking walk. I need to leave my headphones at home and just walk through the forest. And I realized that I like this weather because the world feels so empty. Empty, yet open. I need to go outside of all the things we humans have built for ourselves and I need to make the world feel like mine and let nature feel like I belong to it. I need to breathe.

The hidden days

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

Sometimes I question why I live in Sweden. Half the year, the sun barely makes it over the horizon, and when it does it’s like it’s still having trouble finding out how to actually warm something up. I love winter, sometimes I just think about my friend in France who can live close to the alps and close to the snow while still not having that dark season.

Then I remember the hidden days. You might have heard about the midnight sun. In the north of Sweden the sun doesn’t set at all in the middle of summer, it just sinks down to touch the horizon until it rises again. It’s not that extreme where I live, but still. I mostly think about it when travelling, when I see places where it’s not like that. And then I realize how much it’s worth to me, that extra amount of day you get when the sun diminishes the night into nothing. The hidden days, hiding after what would be sunset in the wintertime, but now is laid open for us, free to invade with late walks, midnight swimming and laughter while looking for berries and inhaling the fresh forest air.

There’s a bittersweetness about the swedish summer that used to make my teenage heart uneasy, longing instead for more exotic adventures and freedom from family, but I realize that I was falling for it during all that time. Falling in love with the hidden days, so fleeting in their passing and so easily broken by winter, but smelling like grass and wild strawberries and oh so sweet childhood memories. They’ve nestled into my heart together with the people I used to experience them with and now they’ll always be home to me.

Minimalism

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

I’ve read a lot about minimalism lately and it has seriously sparked my interest. Not as related to design, but as a lifestyle of owning less, so that less of your affection will be aimed at your belongings. Owning less so that it won’t be your focus, so that you’ll have less things that own you.

Now, imagine being able to fit everything you own into a few suitcases, imagine the freedom of being able to go anywhere you want and taking your home with you.

Though I would make an exception for my books. I guess that if you go all out you should give them away and instead retort to the nearest library, but that’s just one of those things I don’t at all have the desire to do. Don’t get me wrong, I love the library and used to never buy books, but now when I got myself a decent collection of the favourites I continually re-read, I like the way they look laying around in my room. Piled on top of small tables and on the floor with teacups balancing on top of them.

I get the point of a smaller wardrobe. Buy fewer but higher quality and perhaps more expensive pieces that will last and even make you look better, making it easier to choose your outfit in the morning and makes you spend less time worrying about how you look. I get the point of getting rid of things you just keep because you relate them to certain memories. I will keep my diaries and my photos, but that’s about all I need.

But I do not have any desires to get rid of my books. I could leave them with my relatives or someone I know instead. I could travel the world and go seek my safety with people instead of possessions, but whenever I move somewhere, whenever I settle down long enough buy a bed overlooking whatever cityscape or view of the landscape I have, then I will want them there to stack my teacups on.

It’s time to continue

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

It is now day 59 of the new year. 59 days since the beginning and 59 days since we woke up one morning and nothing was different other than the digits making up the number of the year. Yet it was a new beginning, a new start for a lot of people, we’ve made it into a beginning and into an opportunity to create yourself anew. A moment to make decisions resulting in you, after this, being a different person. A better person, more closely moulded into the one you’ve always wanted to be. The truth is that if it’s easier to change that time of the year, it is because other people do it to. Other than that, there is no reason to not have a beginning now. You can make a decision any day, any time, that can change your life and probably do that more than the ones you make on new years eve change you. Because, let’s admit, they’re kinda made to be broken. Or at least suspected to be so. And if you make your promise at any other time, you’re reasons are probably better since they’re not partly that it’s what’s traditional to do.

But, anyway, that’s not what I was really going to talk about. Because the problem does not mainly lie in the beginning, we have so many things we want to start to do it does not take a lot for motivation to suddenly flare up. The problem resurfaces a few days, weeks, months, years later. When you remember why this is something you haven’t done before, or have failed to do for a few increasingly rememberable reasons.

Today, I want to motivate you to continue. To remember to be happy over the bad weather, because then no one else will be jogging and you’ll become just a little bit stronger than them. To continue when everybody else quits because that is what will separate you from them, that is what always separates successful people from less successful. They’re on fire. But more importantly, they don’t burn down, instead brighter.

As time goes by, you’ll perhaps learn to make your promises and dreams into routine. You’ll learn that you’re strong enough to actually keep up with things you never thought you’d go through with, and that confidence will lead you to further believe that you can actually keep doing this, this is what you are now. And the time to start continuing is always.

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Runner

Posted on by under poetry

You told me how I always fell in love with cars and not with houses, looked at a backpack with a smile but at a bookshelf with an aching heart. I was always going. I’m a runner and a poet, life pulls me in different directions. Keeps me going and makes my heart want to stay with what I find. I can look out the window of a bus and get the sudden urging need to remember every tree I see, to sit down under every single one and have picnic and the best day of my life. You don’t have to go far, and we don’t have to run, but I have to keep moving so that as many things as possible in this universe get the attention they deserve.

Posted on by under notes

Art can be born out of other things than pain. Yes, how beautiful is not the art of the broken-hearted? I heard someone say once that sad was happy, for deep people, and the problem with pain has always been in its ability to seduce that far overrides the one of happiness. Bittersweetness is the most beautiful feeling I know.

I’m trying to teach myself, trying to learn how you find your source of creativity in light instead. Because I’m starting to realize that the seduction of pain doesn’t mean it’s more satisfactory, it just means that it’s easier. But it’s also weak, and usually selfish, whether we choose to see that side of it or not. I’m trying to choose happiness.

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

Why do I keep doing things I do not want to do? Why do we all keep on doing things that make us unhappy? It bothers me, bothers me so much, all the things we do for the wrong reasons and all the things we turn to because of fear or anger or despair. Please don’t be the type of person that lets his or her life slowly drip away without anything really happening, because you spend to much time doing things that are not the best or brightest or most alive things you could spend you life doing. Don’t be the type of person that chooses career based on money, money so that you’re sure to survive and sure to be able to spend more time doing things you don’t actually want. If you’re passionate about it, it will show. Things will sort themselves out, you’ll be happy as long as you kick your fear in the ass and go for it. And please don’t be the type of person that goes for the guy or girl that just likes you. That goes for a person who is enough, who is okay and in your league. I hate seeing my friends settle for anything less than someone who makes your stomach flutter and treats you the way you should be treated. That loves you more than life and most of all someone that you would choose over everyone else in the world, over any artist or movie star, even if you were to be given a chance to get one of those. I want you to have a love story worthy of a nobelprize-winning novel. And I want you to stop doing things that do not bring you forward. I’m not gonna tell you to turn of your computer, but while you’re here, do something that’s worth your while. (so, lol, I’m pretty much telling you to get off this blog)