I don’t even like the things that I like. By night I live, by night I grow and create and awaken, yet at night I fall. Deeper and deeper into myself since there’s no one else around to catch me. I love the freedom but hate that I’m not strong enough to handle it. Thank God I don’t have to do it on my own anyway. Because I want to stand up against thoughts that crowd my brain when the lights go out after having waited hours for me to let my guard down. I do not want to be afraid of the dark but I do not want to be in love with it either. Please, let me be happy by night.
I love so that it hurts, stings in the depths of my heart and sends shivers through my body until it makes me all jittery and I can’t sleep, can’t breath, just repeat things in my head over and over again while dreaming and planning and longing for things that won’t happen. I don’t despise it like pain, but it doesn’t taste like happiness. And i wish that I could forget it, never have seen that read that or have those people in my life. Not because that’s what I actually want, but because then maybe I would have a bit more time to do things that make me happy in a way that doesn’t hurt, things that make me lightweight and helps me fly, while the love I feel now drags me to the bottom of needing and the darkest pits of I can’t focus on anything else. Passion is a mixture of just as much pain as there is happiness, just as much darkness as there is light, because it’s needed to create the contrasts that is that word and the world.