Early morning light

This morning the air smelled like rain. So much that it was heavy with it, almost too much. 

I woke up early, because I have a problem with keeping rhythm and “balance” and I know that if I keep trying to wake up at 9 I’ll also keep actually staying in bed til 11. So I get up super early every now and then, to turn everything completely around. Today I had my alarm at 4 am, but I woke up at 3.30, by myself, completely awake and – kind of – feeling ready to start my day. I suppose that’s a life hack for night owls, just get out of bed when it’s still night time. 

I took a nice walk some time after 6, and some guy asked me (in German) if I was just taking a walk or heading to work, and I answered (in German) that I was just walking, and we commented on how early it was and I was feeling much proud of my language skills. 

It’s gonna be a good day. (Or even if it’s not, this is a good moment.)

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Blue

The latest evolution of my art style is more abstract watercolous. There’s something freeing about the way water flows. And something annoying in how you need to wait for each layer to dry to be able to add any more dimension. But it’s good for soul and spirit, there’s freedom in this. 

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Christmas Surprise

“I’m not gonna say what we’re doing or where we’re going,” my friend told me, and I got increasingly confused as we got on the tram, went to the outskirts of the city, got off on the stop next to a tiny lake (??) and just walked walked walked.

And then we came to a place where you could buy Christmas trees!! She bought one for me. It was the sweetest thing. I’m staying in Germany for Christmas instead of going home to Sweden, and now there’s a tree in our apartment 🖤🖤

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Home-places

I’ve spent so long going to places that I didn’t realise how different it is to move somewhere. I’ve spent the past few months saying yeah-yeah, I feel at home here, I feel at home anywhere, fast, but now I start to actually feel it. I just didn’t realise that I didn’t feel it before. Because I don’t mind the time when everything still feels like a visit, I enjoy it. But this, this landing thing, is different. It gives me a sense of control. As if finances and ideas and meeting people is not just something that happens to me, but something I can plan for, for months to come. Crazy?? And so now I’m here, in Germany, just thought I’d let you know. And here are some photos of things that make me feel home home home.

At the Swedish café where I got a small job as a Swedish teacher

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My friend making me fancy blue tea

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Baking Christmas cookies in our shared apartment

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(But then again, maybe this is also a lot about the Christmas season?? That makes me feel all “arrived” and stuff. Because people are creatures of ritual, and few things make you feel as present as a special, or recurring event does. Right?)

On Tension

Life is lived in the tension, and tensions there are many; To take control over your own life, while simultaneously accepting the leadership and sovereignty of God. To in storytelling share and show, while simultaneously hide the necessary parts. Living out your identity while simultaneously seeking it.

I’m workin on moving the center of control into myself, instead of letting circumstances or surroundings design and decide me, but I need to flow like a river in this, sensitive to that small, great (once again: tension) voice telling me to change direction.

You can be strong and centered while still letting the whirlwind of contradictions exist inside of you. For maturity, it’s essential that you are.