Autumn sun

Autumn is here, and in the beginning of October the lack of sun hit me. Nature was falling asleep, and my body just wanted to join. It got difficult to get out of bed, follow a routine, and really do anything of what’s necessary to stay healthy.

Since then, I’ve had a bit of a breakdown – stayed inside too much, been a bit sad, and almost failed school assignments. That was the culmination really, a weird week where I needed to hand in a text, and I felt like I couldn’t. It’s in times like that you notice how you’re really doing. When you try fighting it. It was such a good week as well, a bunch of great things happened, but I’d been down for so long that it didn’t help.

Anyway. After that, things looked up. Because they had to. A bit of a sad rock bottom, and now I’m doing really well. I’m buying some extra good food for myself, go to the gym, subscribed to the paper edition of the newspaper. Small stuff.

So that’s how I’m doing, how are you? And remember that even if the world is in a certain mood, you don’t have to feel the same.

Wednesday afternoon

My flatmate has since I moved in both bought me a pomegranate since that’s my favourite, and brought her “vetevärmare” from home to give me since she remembered I said I like those. Love language. Also I do not know how to say vetevärmare in english, like a heat pack thing? That you put in the microwave and use kind of like a hot water bottle, except that it has wheat in it. Or cherry seeds, in the one she brought me. 



September. September is my favourite Sweden month. A few days ago the winds blew away the last of the summer heat and now it’s chilly outside. It’s the beginning of the “want to wear gloves” kind of weather, but there are still sunday afternoons where the sun is warm and you can sit outside in a T-shirt.


The other day we had an early birthday party for my sister. She’s going to Australia to do a DTS, a discipleship training school, with the same organisation I’ve worked with before. So it was a bit of a going away party as well. And we had brunch, which was the best part.


Oh, and golden glitter. Those were the best parts, brunch and golden glitter theme.



August but it Feels like Autumn

The weather is getting cooler and I was walking this evening. I’ve started to walk when I want to listen to new music, so I can hear an album through from beginning to end. On my way back, right as I was walking the last few metres before houses and trees start to close around you, the sun came out from under the clouds. Resting just above the top of the trees while the rest of the sky was still a dark grey. It made stripes of field glow in yellow as the rain kept falling. Weather makes me feel things.

Here’s a completely unrelated picture of a sketch I’m working on right now.



I am the master of sleeping the whole day, but I can’t do it when my life is just an open undefined un-planned white void of a future when I look at it in my head. So I have to make plans. Lately I’ve been making really detailed schedules. I don’t want to feel like I have to do that every day, but it’s good. Also there’s that leaf I picked while I was out biking and longboarding (between 10 and 10.30 am).


And here’s a cozy picture from last week, when my friend asked if we should drive to the national park closeby, bring a thermos with tea and watch the sunset. Life is v autumnal.


4th of October

Today was the last day of my job. And it was horribly sad. But there’s also nothing that makes you feel so appreciated. I need to remember things people said and how groups of people all ran and hugged me, and how much I care for them all. In the afternoon we had the yearly school race, and I walked around the track as the kids ran, giving them all high fives and hugs.

Then my friend came and we went to Sannamarken, which is a market and basically the biggest event in the town where I (used to) teach. We tried to find all the places where you could try stuff for free. Marmalade and cheese and candy. I got to see basically all of my students again. We bought cozy socks, and she won me a stuffed animal, and I won one for her. We’re not very good at things like that though, so we won small pink fishes instead of cute teddy bears, but that’s okay. Also we met some really tall guys.

Happy autumn!


The Weak Week

Today I woke up at six and was out the door before seven. I do like the concept of morning walks, but I don’t feel the need to prolong them, can’t let my mind sing to the beat of footsteps the way it does at night. I’m too aware. But that means I don’t need a lot of time. I walked along the bike lanes through the forest and I saw the white clouded sky and wet green trees, felt a few drops of water. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, thinking that this was the perfect prelude to a warm bath.

The thing is, I haven’t been to work since monday. I’m stressed out and have had some breakdowns over the weeks. I feel a weird mixture of feelings I haven’t quite figured out yet and maybe that bothers me the most. It’s not that I don’t like it, and I love the kids, but it’s been a bit too much and I just can’t handle it. I’ve decided that I will continue though, like it was said, until christmas.

I don’t feel strange being home, just normal again. At times I stress out because I feel like I need to use the time to do more, but I’ve still had some good days. Yesterday my friend came over and we went with our longboards out on the empty roads in the night, where there were no streetlights so everything was a grey/black blur. I felt like someone else, wearing a grey hoodie and converse. Then we went sunbathing on my driveway, like we usually do. With our longboards as pillows stars floated in and out of vision as clouds covered them and moved. As people walked by on the street we tried and failed not to laugh.

September 23rd 2016