It’s funny that people compliment you when you wear things that are closer to their style. Obviously it makes sense, since they wear it because they have a preference for it. But it’s also a bit funny how people in general are like ‘Hey. That’s so nice. You almost look like me.’
Category Archives: notes
In Frustration
Bad days build better days
Bad days build better days Bad Days Build Better Days BAD DAYS BUILD BETTER DAYS
I did ask you to break my heart.
2016.02.28
If you wonder why I stand like this, it’s because I have fear dripping from my fingertips. I am scared of the future but I’m not ready to fall back just yet. In some moments I just am.
I started this DTS with fighting through some things, realising and getting closer. And now I feel sort of fine. But also stirring. Something is moving, God is stirring something in my soul, I think he might soon set fire to my bones.
(I fight through I fight through I fight through)
Mood
It’s a lie that to create something beautiful, some part in you has to be broken. But I don’t know that. Because I have a twisted perception of what beauty is.
That’s easier, that’s smaller, and sadness fits. It fills my heart up from the inside instead of existing around it the way my happiness does. It’s small enough for me to hold its definition in my hands even though I don’t know what it is.
(I just finished reading Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira and it was small but quite deep and I fell down)
Remembrance
Don’t write for people to remember you or it. Write to remind.
Tell what we’ve always known and will always forget. Tell me about the stars and the moon and the story about love sinking into oceans beneath everything.
Writing is sharing and giving what you’ve received, so pour it over me til I’m drunk and stumbling or bright and clear and make sure that I know what should be known.
Don’t live in the illusion of remembrance.
Every moment is a new eternity.
2016.01.01 Message to Myself
Stop being scared. Stop that subconscious second guessing when you freeze and walk around and just let your thoughts crawl around like ants but never becoming something. Stop being indecisive because you’re not at a creative peak. You don’t feel it. Sit down. Do it anyway. Remember this, remember this, even though I know you won’t, even though I know I’ll have to write it again, a hundred times a hundred ways, all through life reminding you of what you know, repeating what’s been said, don’t you know it’s all we are? Don’t you know it’s all we do? So if you choose, and get to do so, so if you create and corrupt and empty your veins and pour
then you’re one of those repeaters. Say it until you listen. Say it until the world listens. And then say it again.
What do you want?
Ask yourself:
What do you really want?
What do you still want?
Here is my current list:
- Jesus
- Love (friends, family)
- Art, to live and breathe and soak in it
- Fresh flowers
HappinessTruth- To run away and see the world
Keep writing these lists. Find what doesn’t change.
If you do not love
There is nothing you can do on this earth that is as great as loving God and loving other people. I’ve always been annoyed by how every single song is about love, every single thing in life centered around whether or not yo have someone special, and it still bothers me a bit. Because love is more often than not, not romantic love. It’s every single person in your life, your best friend and your family and the stranger whose bus ticket you offered to pay. True love starts in a heart that’s overflowing, and it’s everything, touches everyone.
How to get inspired
I want to sparkle. Not in a twilighty, Edward Cullen kind of way but I feel a bit boring, a bit tired and empty, the corners of my mouth turned down in something else than artistic sadness. I’ve lost my inspiration and I’m thinking about what to do to get it back.
- Dance. Which I just did, and it kinda helped.
- Go for a walk. Man, it’s raining outside and it’s the perfect weather for running around on the empty streets like you just don’t care.
- Create anyways. Well I’m writing now, am I not.
- Love people. My flaw. Or well, the flaw lies in me not wanting to be around people at all times. And not now. But I do need them, I always need them to make me happy.
- Log out of the freakin’ computer. So I will.
Psychologists scare me
Perhaps because as every other person, I like to believe that I make my own choices. I don’t want someone looking at me and immediately know how the puzzle falls together, how my family relations and childhood shaped me until who I am today. Like anyone, I want to believe that the choices I made were my own and not the result of a predictable pattern.
eirians 