Author Archives: Eirians

(This is what happened)

Posted on by under travel

Monday I was supposed to go to Nigeria, I walked down to the post office and my visa hadn’t arrived.

Tuesday I was supposed to go to Nigeria, I walked down to the post office and my visa hadn’t arrived.

Wednesday I was supposed to go to Nigeria, I walked down to the post office and my visa hadn’t arrived. (They called me from the embassy, said something was wrong with my invitation letter. I sent them a new one with a few words changed.)

Thursday I was supposed to go to Nigeria, I walked down to the post office and my visa hadn’t arrived.

Friday I was supposed to go to Nigeria, I walked down to the post office and they gave me my visa. I walked home and booked a flight, put the last toiletries in my hiking backpack and walked over the ice, through the snow, to the bus. 24 hours later I was in Nigeria. (I was supposed to be part of a conference that weekend, but I was too late. They had prayed though, that I would make it, even if it was just for the last prayer. And when the last amen rung out I was there. Everyone was so excited and I was the most happy.) (♥)

(Meeting people)

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

On the 14th of December I flew to New York. And to get there, I needed to get to the Orlando airport, which is like: 3 buses away from Sarasota. On the first one a guy was smoking weed right next to me. Greyhound. America is very weird when you come from a country that knows what public transport is. Then I needed to walk from the Orlando greyhound station to the next bus stop, and I ended up in quite an unsafe area.

The whole vibe was weird. Someone shouted something at me but I just kept going. I was wearing my favourite jacket with a big hood, because it makes me look scary rather than like a victim. Also when people can’t see your face the don’t really know how to approach you. Though then I actually did get stopped like twice, but just good people asking if I was fine. I was moving very slowly with my three suitcases that I kicked at every now and then, so I guess that makes sense.  Someone told me they were working at the scrapyard right there, so if something happened I could just scream. Great.

So, anyway, I made it to my next bus stop and met this guy who was also waiting for the bus. He passed my “not-creepy” test which means he didn’t try to fill all the silences. If you can both go back to looking at your phones a few times without the other person asking stupid questions it makes me feel better, because it makes me feel like I can leave the conversation if I want to.

This guy was also leaving the area to get somewhere safer. He was young, pretty put together. He said he was a drifter, but that he didn’t quite know what he was doing anymore. After one of the silences he hesitated and shook his head at himself, but finally said that he sometimes just wanted to give up. The kind of person who used to want so much, and knows there is so much, but doesn’t know exactly what that is or means. And all of a sudden it’s slipped through your fingers.

We took the bus together. Met a random man from England who was very chatty and I just nodded, pretending to understand the heavy accent. We started talking to the random girl next to us as well. We talked about what a random meeting it was, just four strangers in a bus. Then we made it to the main station and went our separate ways.

I took the final bus to the airport where I slept overnight and flew to New York the next day.

This story doesn’t really have a point. Or maybe this: How can you save people? I just want to be better at helping, I wanted to say exactly what that guy at the bus stop needed to hear, but I felt like I just got too chatty with my advice. I should have let him talk more. If nothing else because I’m curious now. And also this: I like the people you meet while moving, but I love in some sad way the people who are also moving. And it’s nice meeting them on multicoloured streets under black nights. I wish I could do something for them and us. What if you had a place where the travellers could just come and stay for a bit, for free somehow or to really connect and put their stuff down for a while. Something.
And lastly this: I just hope he finds the right people, good people, to surround himself with. I think he’s looking for streets to sleep on and it could end so badly or it could end well. I wish home upon all of us. In all of us: safety.

Sunday thoughts (3)

Posted on by under sunday thoughts

Our minds need to shift. To conquer anxiety and defeat depression: we need to add faith to our hope. (Some of us are good at hope, because we have had no other choice.) It means in every defeat you’ll stand back up again.

But faith means living in the victory – when you’ve decided what you believe; about God, about yourself, about situations – it’s the active choice to stick with that in any given moment. So much will depend on what you dare to believe.

A Swedish Christmas.

Posted on by under life

Like always. I keep thinking that I won’t make it home for Christmas, but this year – again – it just happened to work with my travel plans. Nice, but at some point I also want to be dramatically missed. Sweetly told somewhere that ‘is it not difficult being without your family?’ but also surrounded by good enough people that it isn’t, not really. Maybe next year.

(But to clarify, it is amazing being home. I have an amazingly amazing family. Here we are on a frozen lake my grandma later told us not to walk on.)

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And now, writing this, it’s the dark evening leading up to the new year. My head is pounding and I want to sleep sort of, but I think I’ll read some poetry and stay awake the way you’re supposed to. I’ll wait a bit longer. That’s been the theme of my whole year.

(Does it sound like I’m not happy? I’m happy. Just on my period, ya know girls. I’m good.)

Along the way

Posted on by under travel

New York, December.

I’m sitting in my bed, stretching my legs out because today I’ve spent hours walking the streets of New York city. Here are some thoughts about it:

  • It’s darker than I thought and the buildings dissappear up in the clouds, the smell, the smoke, the soft rain. I love it.
  • There’s so many things happening already that whatever you’re doing might have already been done by someone. A lot of big people. I both do and do not feel cool here.
  • Manhattan is big, not a small island, but a city. It’s not one Street that is cool and crowded. The buildings stretch endlessly. Yet everything is right here, you can walk from central Park to rockefeller to times square.
  • I went to the New York Public Library. There are so many places where people are just being.
  • It feels completely ridiculous that New York city actually exists outside of the TV screen, like being here made me realise that in my head it was almost a fairytale. It’s a dream walking these streets. Yet it makes itself obvious.
  • It would take years of lunches to discover all the cute places to eat. Tempting.

And that’s all for this first day.

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(I wrote “Along the way” as the name of this post, but this whole blog could carry that name, a life could.)

Ko-fi!

Posted on by under travel

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Do you want to give coffee to a stranger in snowy New York City??

Click here! 

Random post, I know, but do you guys remember this thing I wrote a while ago?? I still really want to give out Starbucks in Tokyo, but since I’m going to New York in a couple weeks anyways, I thought I’d try it there!

Soo, feel very welcome to click the link and give a few dollars, and I’ll use it to buy a coffee or hot chocolate and give it to a real, living, breathing person on the streets of New York! Kinda cool, right? And if you buy two I’ll use the extra money to send you a cute little christmasy thank you note! Cause I love to tie it back to you, so that you (whoever you are) also get something real and tangible after just clicking a few buttons. Just send me your address in an Instagram dm!

Hugs to you, I’m not writing much here right now, mainly because my computer broke and I’m sad, but I’m also happy because there are more important things in life than computers (say it til you mean it) and I’ll write more other days.

(Also, just one more thing, can we all appreciate that there are websites like unsplash where you can just download copyright-free photos, just like that?? I mean I could technically just download a bunch and make a pretty Instagram? And it wouldn’t be illegal? Cool. Okay, actually good bye.)

Different Feelings:

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

(Different ways of being in places that aren’t really home)

Leaving – The sudden realization that you’ve already left a place. But you’re also still there. You walk the streets and you see the views, but like in an old photo where everything’s already memories.

Arriving – When you’ve put your feet down. Stopped walking, stopped pacing, stopped turning your head around. You’ve sat down and you’re there. A feeling that exists in short, defined moments, usually parallell to emotional contentment and the good kind of acceptance. Can echo into longer or shorter seasons.

Going – Similar but different from leaving. You know that where you are is for a time and that you’re going somewhere else, but it doesn’t make you any less present. Drop the emotional detachement. If leaving is the feeling that you should have already left, going is the knowledge that you will, when it’s time.