Tag Archives: writing

August but it Feels like Autumn

Posted on by under Artwork

The weather is getting cooler and I was walking this evening. I’ve started to walk when I want to listen to new music, so I can hear an album through from beginning to end. On my way back, right as I was walking the last few metres before houses and trees start to close around you, the sun came out from under the clouds. Resting just above the top of the trees while the rest of the sky was still a dark grey. It made stripes of field glow in yellow as the rain kept falling. Weather makes me feel things.

Here’s a completely unrelated picture of a sketch I’m working on right now.

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Rest

Posted on by under life, selfies

I didn’t blog for a while and then I felt like I should but then I didn’t want to so I didn’t. But then I felt like I should again, so I planned a day to be productive, but then I wasn’t and in the evening I realised that I was so full from work and then trying to rest myself back to me, that I just wanted input before I could pour anything. Now I’m okay. It’s a bit unpredictable, that. I don’t know if that’s professional, but it’s how it is. (I think a lot about professionalism like that, how you should treat creativity as a business if you want it to be. But it’s really not that simple. And you’re allowed to be much more not simple.)

Anyway, I was working a lot, so here’s a selfies from my cabin (like old times on this blog) of late night painting flowers on my hand, and then my current mood after coming home from work.

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Headache.

July 24th

Posted on by under life

I just worked a 14 hour shift on 4 hours of sleep, and I’m like HIGH on something, it’s like time is no longer a concept and I just called my friend because I needed to TALK and then I couldn’t stop DANCING around the kitchen because it’s like my feet won’t stop MOVING. My friend says it’s sleep deprivation. Maybe.

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(Here is where I sat during break today, breathing in the sun)

(Randomly, SONG OF THE DAY is Whatever it takes by Imagine Dragons, the bridge to that song is like ahhhh) (I’m sorry, excitement makes me drop all my adjectives)

(Also sleep deprivation gives me so much inspiration, I need to stop and slow down and go to sleep but I just want to write and do stuff and okay bye)

The Mona Lisa

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

Isn’t it messed up that Leonardo Da Vinci never knew he painted the Mona Lisa? Like he knew he painted a portrait of Mona Lisa, but he didn’t know he painted The Mona Lisa. It’s funny because it used to motivate me to think that every step of his career led up to that painting. That the first stick figure he made was the first draft of all those things he would later create. It helps me to create casually. Even if your creation sucks, it’s practice for the next one. (That is practice for the next one.) And so on.

But then, you never quite reach it. In my head there will come a day when it’s no longer practice for the next one, because I’ve actually reached that point. I’ve made it. But the truth is, we never arrive there, we never know our Mona Lisa. Because it’s not like Da Vinci just painted it and then hung it in the Louvre. He probably just started preparing the next canvas. As far as he knew it might have been just another painting in a long line of paintings, and he never reached “it”, or got “there”, wherever there is.

Creative Endeavors

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

Today I was reading in an interview about how writing a novel is like giving birth to a baby, which I guess I’ve heard before and don’t we always describe creative endeavors as our children in some very lovingly pretentious creepy way.

But what’s interesting is that whoever was interviewed mentioned that if you don’t want a child, don’t get one. Like if you don’t actually want a kid, just don’t get one. Don’t get one because you should or it seems like something that would look or sound nice; Get a kid because you actually want one. You can write your story, paint whatever thing, but like, you really don’t have to. Like, that pressure is made up.

Now, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it just because it’s hard. If you want to, you’ll have to know that you’re getting into something that’s a pretty big deal. And you’ll have to know that “want” does not mean a sudden flow of emotion that makes everything suddenly easy, but rather that you know that this is something you want to do, regardless. But it’s also a joy. And yeah, you should do it if you want to.

(The interview I was reading was from The Creative Independent, which completely unsponsored is like the best website ever, and they send me these cute emails with articles and – you know – general life advice. Below is todays.)

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Sunday Thoughts

Posted on by under sunday thoughts

A few weeks ago I had the vision that waves were rising all around this garden, tall and mighty. Like the ocean, like the red sea. And I felt it tonight, standing out there. (And I wondered why it is not falling, why it is not crashing down on doubts and enemies, what are the waters waiting for?) I felt God saying that He’s separating me from it. I am learning to not be all the things I’m not. And first then the water can fall on my enemies without falling on me. How can God kill the army if we’re on the ocean floor at the same time? There’s a height and width and depth to the importance of faith in forgiveness and the death of sin and it being killed off in your own body.

Identity (The Garden Inside)

Posted on by under poetry

I have chosen dirt over flowers, and picked up the places I used to grow my values in, to move them inside of me.

I have been blue flowers, from the places I grew up in and the family I’m in.

I have been pink flowers, from what I found along the streets in new countries, from what I decided to be in new places.

I have been a collection, I have gathered them from around me, and (tried to) let the influence shape me into something I like.

I am now picking up the roots of the garden and putting it inside of me, so that I never run out of colours from different continents. So that I never have to starve in a place that’s barren.

Now, I’m growing (myself) up inside.

Smultronställen

Posted on by under life

DSC_0982The word “smultronställe” in Swedish means a little hidden away place where you can find wild strawberries growing. It’s also used as an expression for something good, maybe like a corner of a dvd store with movies that are good but possible underrated, or a specific destination that you’ve found for yourself and enjoy going to. I think of it like a place in the sun, like a place of unexpected sweetness that is a bit separated from the rest of your life.

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There are so many smultronställen in life. I found a literal one next to the road while I was out walking today. And they remind me of C S Lewis saying:

“Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”

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But that is not less of an incentive to enjoy it. It’s like saying you shouldn’t enjoy your vacation just because you’ll only be there temporarily. Isn’t it rather the opposite? We have to learn to enjoy our fleeting moments and the frailty of things we love. Not because that’s what makes it beautiful – even though that might be true – but because that is what we have.