I walked through a storm today. It’s sweeping over this dark country, we call it Helga like the girls name, like the old Swedish word for holy, like the songs sung at christmas and it makes the trees feel tall and loud. The sky throws things at us. There’s inspiration making my veins itchy. Why? Why now, when I’ve had a self absorbed no thoughts – all thoughts day. When I’ve forgotten to tell myself I’m brave ages ago. I walked through a storm today and it TORE THE BREATH FRom my lungs and I only ever scream when I’m silent.
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The world consists of ideas
This is something I feel like you’re ‘supposed to know’, and maybe I do in a way. Ideas, after all, are the beginning of everything. But I sat thinking about something on the bus today, the random sounds we make. Seriously, what even are words? Sure, we understand them, because our brain makes sense of them, but without that we’re just a bunch of creatures shaping our mouths differently. Or these letters. Lines and dots. We have a deal you know, when I write this, we have agreed what the words mean. If someone disagreed with you, or if everyone did, you’d be a lunatic drawing strange shapes and making weird noises without being able to reach anyone. It’s the same with money. Money doesn’t exist. It’s a freakin’ piece of paper. It would be as meaningless as any other dead tree if you wouldn’t think it symbolises some sort of value, or more importantly, if no one else thought so either. It’s something we know I suppose, but when I heard that ideas make up the world, I thought it was because they were the beginning of everything. An idea that then turns into something real, all that makes up the world. Maybe my mistake was considering just the things real. Ideas aren’t valuable because they come from sudden inspiration and result in something else, they’re valuable, because they are everything, they’re not the beginning, they’re just it. Things start with ideas, but systems are ideas. And systems are deals we’ve made in the hope of creating a better world, now we must all uphold them unless we want it to collapse.
Stay
I swear to God I will never forget. I could write down page after page of the inside jokes, the memories and the stories from this week, but I prefer to keep them securely in my heart, just in my head and in the messy handwriting in my moleskine. I’ve been away to a youth camp where I always seem to spend the best weeks of my life, and I do not want to be here. I do not want to be home. I want to still be there, not thinking about the fact that the disadvantage of getting to know people from all over the world is that you can consider yourself lucky if you get to meet them once a year. And now I’m stuck in this room, in this house, in this city and in my school with these people. If I could, I would relive the weeks I spend at this camp over and over again for the rest of my life. I just want to go back.
Moleskine journal
It’s time to continue
It is now day 59 of the new year. 59 days since the beginning and 59 days since we woke up one morning and nothing was different other than the digits making up the number of the year. Yet it was a new beginning, a new start for a lot of people, we’ve made it into a beginning and into an opportunity to create yourself anew. A moment to make decisions resulting in you, after this, being a different person. A better person, more closely moulded into the one you’ve always wanted to be. The truth is that if it’s easier to change that time of the year, it is because other people do it to. Other than that, there is no reason to not have a beginning now. You can make a decision any day, any time, that can change your life and probably do that more than the ones you make on new years eve change you. Because, let’s admit, they’re kinda made to be broken. Or at least suspected to be so. And if you make your promise at any other time, you’re reasons are probably better since they’re not partly that it’s what’s traditional to do.
But, anyway, that’s not what I was really going to talk about. Because the problem does not mainly lie in the beginning, we have so many things we want to start to do it does not take a lot for motivation to suddenly flare up. The problem resurfaces a few days, weeks, months, years later. When you remember why this is something you haven’t done before, or have failed to do for a few increasingly rememberable reasons.
Today, I want to motivate you to continue. To remember to be happy over the bad weather, because then no one else will be jogging and you’ll become just a little bit stronger than them. To continue when everybody else quits because that is what will separate you from them, that is what always separates successful people from less successful. They’re on fire. But more importantly, they don’t burn down, instead brighter.
As time goes by, you’ll perhaps learn to make your promises and dreams into routine. You’ll learn that you’re strong enough to actually keep up with things you never thought you’d go through with, and that confidence will lead you to further believe that you can actually keep doing this, this is what you are now. And the time to start continuing is always.
eirians 