My pocket moleskine, and what I’ve filled it with so far:






My pocket moleskine, and what I’ve filled it with so far:






I just handed in my last essay. 2 days to prom, 11 days til I graduate, and I have no more tests. No more essays. Quizzes, presentations.. it’s over. And what if I never study again? I don’t know where life’s gonna take me, but what if I don’t? Then I’m done. I can focus the rest of my life on doing what I want. I can learn because I want to and not because there’s a deadline tomorrow. So I’m just very excited and wanted to share it with you.
And my last blog post started off with me saying I don’t like endings. You know what? Sometimes I kinda do.

Completely irrelevant photo I took a while ago, because pictures just make every blog post nicer, even random rambling.
To the future and beyond (look forward to prom pictures!!).
“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different…”
-C.S.Lewis
This, I think, is one of the most underestimated truths.
You can’t look at the difference, you can just look and look again and notice that today is not yesterday.
We do not understand change. We think it’s a moment, the clock striking twelve on New years eve or when you realise you love someone… when in reality that’s just it, you realise the change but that is not the moment it happens. It already has, over and over again, in the choices you keep on making.
Sometimes it’s hard to remember that so many good things were once bad – diamonds out of pressed coal – because like the birds rising at dawn, they do not sing about the night.
I realised this while heading out to my room, the little cabin in my garden. It was snowing the other night and this is one of those changes you do notice. But these following pictures are of just that, of the snow and how the light makes everything slightly golden and warm, and how the sun seems to never set in the summer and the flowers make my home rest in a meadow. Nature doesn’t remember the wind from last week. I will not remember how it made everything creak or when the autumn leaves turned muddy and gross, and how even though it was completely dark without the snow, the full moon still managed to create moving shadows everywhere. That is not what I photographed.
The snow doesn’t remember the heat, nor the summer the autumn colours. The flower doesn’t remember the bud or it would never bloom. We think that our problem is that we live in the past, and it is. But our problem is not that we remember. Because we don’t. We see self-chosen memories, not truths, and so we can pick and choose. And we so rarely choose the time in between.
So yesterday I got ready for my first day at school. Clothes, breakfast, makeup.. only to get there and realise I didn’t have to go to my first class and could come back six hours later. Wandering home my heels made my feet ache and slip on the ice that was somehow still there even though the snow melted the day before, and I don’t think the sky ever turned bright. Back to school later and then back home. It wasn’t horrible. I met some nice people and stuff. And then I went to bed at like seven and thought I was gonna get up later and do everything I had to. Spoiler alert: I didn’t. I slept more than eleven hours. Something about school and the darkness and.. school just makes me want to sleep.
But this is my last term. Thank God, because I am so sick of this. I realised a while ago I chose the wrong subjects to study and that does not help the motivation. I got an awesome backpack for christmas and I just want to go away, travel the world.
But for now I’ll stay here and obviously survive and hopefully live. It’s not bad, it’s just too much of not what I would have chosen to do. And my backpack stands in the corner of my cabin like a promise.

The weather is getting colder and the sun rises bright every morning but the sky opens up for rain every dark afternoon. Autumn is closing in but I don’t want to think about hot chocolate and oversized sweaters, not yet. Not now when school hasn’t even started and I can still lock myself inside my room and ignore that time passes by so quickly.
On the beach next to my grandma’s summer house we found a pier where I asked my mother to put her hand in the water for it to look like she’s magic. I don’t know, she might be. And underneath the sand you can find clay that you can shape and let dry, or just apply all over your body for a homemade clay mask thingy. We looked very strange. It was a good day. 

