Category Archives: life

The Weak Week

Posted on by under life

Today I woke up at six and was out the door before seven. I do like the concept of morning walks, but I don’t feel the need to prolong them, can’t let my mind sing to the beat of footsteps the way it does at night. I’m too aware. But that means I don’t need a lot of time. I walked along the bike lanes through the forest and I saw the white clouded sky and wet green trees, felt a few drops of water. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, thinking that this was the perfect prelude to a warm bath.

The thing is, I haven’t been to work since monday. I’m stressed out and have had some breakdowns over the weeks. I feel a weird mixture of feelings I haven’t quite figured out yet and maybe that bothers me the most. It’s not that I don’t like it, and I love the kids, but it’s been a bit too much and I just can’t handle it. I’ve decided that I will continue though, like it was said, until christmas.

I don’t feel strange being home, just normal again. At times I stress out because I feel like I need to use the time to do more, but I’ve still had some good days. Yesterday my friend came over and we went with our longboards out on the empty roads in the night, where there were no streetlights so everything was a grey/black blur. I felt like someone else, wearing a grey hoodie and converse. Then we went sunbathing on my driveway, like we usually do. With our longboards as pillows stars floated in and out of vision as clouds covered them and moved. As people walked by on the street we tried and failed not to laugh.

September 23rd 2016

Teaching and Learning

Posted on by under life

I’ve now worked 6 days as an English teacher. And I’ve concluded that teachers deserve a weekend after every day. Most people do I guess, but last week really felt like an eternity. I have almost 150 students, divided into 7 classes, and I’ve never done this before. LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME, I have no idea what I’m doing. The week before all the students arrived we were supposed to prepare and stuff, and I literally spent some time just writing nonsense on a paper so that at least I would look busy.

I’m figuring it out though. And I do like it. Today, monday again, and I didn’t have the constant nervousness making me tense from the core. And I like standing in front of a class. But time is not enough, so much more to do at every moment. I live and breathe this, but I guess that’s a thing of habit too. Maybe in a few weeks I’ll be able to relax more. Until then, I’ll just try to do this as well as I can.

And I just wanted to write this short update since I don’t think I’ve even mentioned this job here. I’m only gonna work until christmas though, since they can’t hire anyone for longer if they’re not a legit teacher, which I’m not. And that’s okay, then I’ll do something else. I don’t really know what yet.

And now, before we go, some hipster pictures from spending the friday night in our summer house.

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Oh, and a GIF from when we tried to go paddling and rowing. Only to realize that we forgot the key to our boat and canoe. They’re locked together. But we decided to try anyways. Did not get very far but we had fun, sometimes life’s like that. ezgif.com-gif-maker

Good night!

Back home

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From my other home. Oldenburg, Germany. It’s where I went to my first Teenstreet camp, six years ago. And with the same schedule, venue, traditions it felt like coming home. Like it is the same faceless crowd every year, and each time you get to know some more of them, by saying hi in the shower line or accidentally eating next to each other.

It was weird this year though. So many people weren’t there who usually are. People I’ve talked to a lot lately, I couldn’t anymore. I found myself laughing and turning around to tell someone, only to find people who wouldn’t get that inside joke. I know now why people want partners in crime. People who have been to the same places you have, in the same order.

Anyway, I think it’s the type of thing where every year is and will be great, but also a new thing, and I’ll have to accept it as that.

On a completely different note; MY FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW (!!!) My mom’s gonna do her hair. And here are some pictures of that, because it’s really, really pretty.

Germany..

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So apparently I’m going to Germany tomorrow. . . !!!!!

I’m taking a friends spot as small group leader at a youth camp and I’m sort of excited and nervous and excited and scared. Mainly I try to remind myself that this is what I wanted, right? Travel and do things that I love (and in this case go to the place where I’ve had some of the best experiences of my life).

Wish me luck! Teenstreets website

 

I Fell Into the Ocean

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In Kenya.

One of the last days I was there.

Now the thing is, having lived without real bathrooms and beds for two months, I felt like it was okay to look forward to just relaxing in front of the computer when I got back.

But it fell into the ocean. With all my pictures from the journey, all old documents of things I’d written. And my phone fell as well. My camera, my lens, passport, notebooks, money, e-reader.. I fell into the ocean and I took my bag with me.

I felt empty. And sad, I don’t know why I’m always sad. But also changed, even now when I feel a lot better about it, I still feel different.Which is weird and pretentious, like something that would happen in a book. But I really do feel as if something inevitably changed in me.

And I like it, I feel free, but it also means blog posts will be more rare, and it annoys me to death that I can’t take photos. (So I guess I’ll have to write it).

Back from Kenya

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So after two months in Kenya I have concluded that Africa makes me very sad. And very, very happy. (Like all places.)

In my backpack I have a necklace given to me by a girl from the Turkana tribe, who couldn’t speak english because she’ll never be allowed to go to school. That’s what all her colourful necklaces meant, she was around ten years old and soon she’ll be ready to get married.

And she gave one to me.

I feel a little bit like there are too many stories to tell. I don’t just want to blog about the past, but still I think they’ll sneak into coming blog posts.

So anyway, now I’m back “home” in Florida. For two weeks.

Reverse ’To Watch’ List #1

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You know that list in your head, of movies you want to watch but never do? And if you do watch them, you forget about it. So, these are a few movies that used to be in my ‘To watch’ list but I’ve now seen! And they were all so freakin’ good, several are new favourites.

  • Kill Bill
  • Moulin Rouge
  • Bird Man
  • The Breakfast Club
  • Pulp Fiction
  • Interstellar
  • Fight Club

Kenya Excitement

Posted on by under life, travel

In some groups I feel like I have to sit orderly in my seat, but in some I can just collapse on the floor without caring. My outreach team is that sort of group. The guys I go with on a missions trip to Kenya in a month, we hang out and prepare and feel like a family. And I feel like I haven’t been a good speaker lately, but I was gonna do a short preaching for them, for practice, and I could just relax and share my thoughts and I think I got some confidence back. It’s funny, like God knows that Kenya was not my first choice for outreach location so he surprises me by giving me the best people to go with instead.

And I started thinking about the backpack I will carry. I wrote a blog post about it more than a year ago, Here, where I said that it stands in the corner of my cabin like a promise. It’s here now, in the house I share with eight other girls in Florida, USA. I will carry it all over Kenya. And then somewhere else. And I can’t believe that this is my now now, but that backpack will also remain my promise.

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Florida mornings and full moon.

2016.03.06

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The first time I saw you guys, one of you wore these really short shorts and cowboy boots, and that’s not why I noticed you (it’s really not, shut up), but because who I’d guess is your girlfriend was sitting a few metres away from me, overlooking the sea, and you were making these weird poses trying to get the perfect photo of her. You were some of those real life tumblr persons in a city in Florida where everyone is over 60.

The next time I saw you, we were waiting for the bus by a famous beach, and you told us it’s okay, the bus here is always late. We thought we’d missed it and planned to walk back to the base. Thank you. My friend spoke to you, about how we always move in groups, the students from my DTS, and how everything looks like a cute field trip. You seemed nice, funny and sweet in that sort of self conscious way that’s relatable. And you seem happy together. I like your clothes. You were the center of different universes standing next to us, I hope you have good passions and places and people.