Memories from the south

This is a story of my friend Linda.

She has a house in the south of Sweden, and she lives in her own basement. Then she rents out the upper floors. She gets up at 3.45 every morning to be on time for her job at a restaurant. Right now she’s thinking about buying another house, to renovate and rent out. She’s a crazy person, really, in the best of ways. And actually the most hard working person I’ve ever met. Here are some photos of her fixing up her extra bike for me to use when I was visiting.

We met when we both lived in America, even though Linda is German. And then she moved here, to Sweden, a few years ago. She’s fluent in Swedish now, but we still speak English to each other out of habit. She has a dream about having a red house here, where she can rent out rooms and have a cafe and give people a place to feel at home. She had that vision and heard there was a lot of red houses in Sweden, so she decided to come here. She learned Swedish by being an au pair. Then she learned the hotel industry by going to Portugal for a bit and working at a hotel there. She went to Switzerland to do a school of baking. And she’s worked at a hotel restaurant here in the south of Sweden. She is a practical person like that, even with the big vision. She’s diligently collecting skills, putting the pieces together. And she’s already doing the things she wants to, by renting out the house she owns now and welcoming people there. It’s not the red house, yet, but she’s stepping into the things she’s dreaming about, bit by bit.

I went to visit Linda this summer, when I needed a place to rest. Disconnect from reality a bit. Her house is just by the train station in a small village, and I arrived while she was at work. Right inside the door there were a pair of slippers waiting. There was a post it note on them, saying that I should not get my feet cold. And then there were more post it notes. One note on the cupboard with a note guiding me to where there’s bowls and cutlery. Another on the fridge telling me to take food and ice cream. Other ones saying I can use the Wi-Fi, and the Netflix password, and that I should take a warm bath.

I kept all the post it notes. Took them off the fridge and wall and cupboards. They’re in my notebook now, bright yellow reminders.

I’m not naturally a very giving person, I think. I’m a bit better at loving through words and conversation. But even the parts we’re good at, we still need to practice, or at least be reminded of using. And we also learn love, from the people we surround ourselves with. It’s a lucky thing, a spoiled thing, that I get to spend time with people I learn from. I take and take. It makes me restless, almost. But I also learn. Hopefully absorb to give, or become.

We spent maybe most of our time painting the ceiling in her attic. White, a thin layer, so the pattern of the wood underneath could be seen through. And then we took breaks to put frozen pizza in the oven and eat it while watching The Office.

We went to the beach less than we had planned. It was a cold July. Humid, sometimes raining. But we did still go. And I went by myself a couple of times, after she’d gone to bed, just taking my own walks.

It’s so different what you need in different seasons. And this was a good trip, giving me exactly what I needed then. Love, pizza, something practical to do, and the sea.

The rainy summer of 2023

It’s been a summer of rain here in Sweden. It’s been flooding basements and causing roads to collapse. I guess it’s better than the south of Europe, where it’s been all fire instead. But when I came back to Stockholm and wanted to hike, the path was underwater.

At my parents place, taking summer walks.

Anyways. This post is supposed to be an update. And not just about the weather. I wanted to start writing on here again, so I thought I should start by sharing some of what I’ve been up to. I have gotten a degree since last posting, so I’m a journalist now. I guess. I’ve lived in Stockholm for about three years. I’ve gone through a break up, and I’ve spent the summer visiting people I like.

And now it’s fall. Autumn arrived yesterday, that’s how I wrote it in my notes. Dark skies. More rain. I woke up in an apartment I share with some friends and was confused. I knew I was in a familiar bed, but I couldn’t figure out where.

It’s the smell of this place. It reminds me of things, but not just of things that have happened here. This building also smells the same as the church where I grew up. And like old youth camps. So I wake up in the mornings with nostalgia, but I don’t know for what. I feel like my childhood friends should be sleeping on air mattresses next to me. I feel like my ex should be right outside the door. I feel like I’m 12 years old at Sunday school. It’s all blurry. 

And I wrote a blog post, a long time ago, about how sometimes it feels like you’ve already left a place even if you’re still there. And that’s.. that’s it. I have that feeling often, like I’m long gone. And now it’s showed up in my life again. I’m a little bit late, always a little bit late, in leaving.

That’s my update. I’m a bit blue, but also excited for new cities, or old, wherever I’ll end up going. I have a lot of space to do whatever I want and go wherever I want. Horrible, really. I’m not a big fan of all these choices. The only thing I’d hate more would be to not have the choices. Anyways: I should start writing more, for the practice of it. So welcome back to this page. Let’s see where the season takes us.

Autumn sun

Autumn is here, and in the beginning of October the lack of sun hit me. Nature was falling asleep, and my body just wanted to join. It got difficult to get out of bed, follow a routine, and really do anything of what’s necessary to stay healthy.

Since then, I’ve had a bit of a breakdown – stayed inside too much, been a bit sad, and almost failed school assignments. That was the culmination really, a weird week where I needed to hand in a text, and I felt like I couldn’t. It’s in times like that you notice how you’re really doing. When you try fighting it. It was such a good week as well, a bunch of great things happened, but I’d been down for so long that it didn’t help.

Anyway. After that, things looked up. Because they had to. A bit of a sad rock bottom, and now I’m doing really well. I’m buying some extra good food for myself, go to the gym, subscribed to the paper edition of the newspaper. Small stuff.

So that’s how I’m doing, how are you? And remember that even if the world is in a certain mood, you don’t have to feel the same.

Hiking through villages in the south of Germany

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It’s easy to forget that I’m in Germany. Sure, the city centre has some classical architecture and I’m saying “Danke” to people in the store, but all in all things are pretty similar. The neighbourhood I’m living in could just as well be located in my home city in Sweden. At least kind of.

I guess what I’m saying is: I’m getting used to this, so when we drove an hour away from the city, out into the “fränkische schweiz”, with idyllic little villages resting in the valleys between tall mountains, I felt like I stepped into a fairytale. Driving to something like that from Sweden would be a “this is what we’re doing this summer” kinda thing, but now it was just a friday excursion. Beautiful beautiful beautiful, to bring some more breath and peace into our lives.

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And even if you’re in your home country, wherever you are, there’s probably something cool nearby. Get out, whenever you can. I mean, stick to places where there’s no people of course – but fortunately nature has a lot of space.

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Notes from my phone in the evening:
–  Let’s bring this air into the city. I breathe in here and breathe out amongst the dirty street corners. Sun and moon over empty streets. I bring with me a song of birds and waters. It’s awakening in here too, even amongst graffiti and grey.

Early morning light

This morning the air smelled like rain. So much that it was heavy with it, almost too much. 

I woke up early, because I have a problem with keeping rhythm and “balance” and I know that if I keep trying to wake up at 9 I’ll also keep actually staying in bed til 11. So I get up super early every now and then, to turn everything completely around. Today I had my alarm at 4 am, but I woke up at 3.30, by myself, completely awake and – kind of – feeling ready to start my day. I suppose that’s a life hack for night owls, just get out of bed when it’s still night time. 

I took a nice walk some time after 6, and some guy asked me (in German) if I was just taking a walk or heading to work, and I answered (in German) that I was just walking, and we commented on how early it was and I was feeling much proud of my language skills. 

It’s gonna be a good day. (Or even if it’s not, this is a good moment.)

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Christmas Surprise

“I’m not gonna say what we’re doing or where we’re going,” my friend told me, and I got increasingly confused as we got on the tram, went to the outskirts of the city, got off on the stop next to a tiny lake (??) and just walked walked walked.

And then we came to a place where you could buy Christmas trees!! She bought one for me. It was the sweetest thing. I’m staying in Germany for Christmas instead of going home to Sweden, and now there’s a tree in our apartment 🖤🖤

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