The problem with christian media

The problem with Christian media is that it so often misses to be missional. The well made stuff, created by the modern, the aware, reaches, at best, up to something the world does and then does it like, almost as well. Not like quite, but you know, it’s really up there. It’s some really good stuff. Some gold vlogs, some good Instagram.

I refuse to believe that with the power of the holy spirit withing us (God living in us, the creator of creation, holy of holy, he who can not step into a room without us falling dead down, struck down by beauty, lifted to heaven by as much as looking at Him), I can’t believe this would be the extent of art in his kingdom, the extent of media, the extent of communication. There are bigger boxes to step into. There’s more partnership with the Spirit to explore.

I’m complaining without knowing a solution, except for this: Be a little bit crazier.

(Meeting people)

On the 14th of December I flew to New York. And to get there, I needed to get to the Orlando airport, which is like: 3 buses away from Sarasota. On the first one a guy was smoking weed right next to me. Greyhound. America is very weird when you come from a country that knows what public transport is. Then I needed to walk from the Orlando greyhound station to the next bus stop, and I ended up in quite an unsafe area.

The whole vibe was weird. Someone shouted something at me but I just kept going. I was wearing my favourite jacket with a big hood, because it makes me look scary rather than like a victim. Also when people can’t see your face the don’t really know how to approach you. Though then I actually did get stopped like twice, but just good people asking if I was fine. I was moving very slowly with my three suitcases that I kicked at every now and then, so I guess that makes sense.  Someone told me they were working at the scrapyard right there, so if something happened I could just scream. Great.

So, anyway, I made it to my next bus stop and met this guy who was also waiting for the bus. He passed my “not-creepy” test which means he didn’t try to fill all the silences. If you can both go back to looking at your phones a few times without the other person asking stupid questions it makes me feel better, because it makes me feel like I can leave the conversation if I want to.

This guy was also leaving the area to get somewhere safer. He was young, pretty put together. He said he was a drifter, but that he didn’t quite know what he was doing anymore. After one of the silences he hesitated and shook his head at himself, but finally said that he sometimes just wanted to give up. The kind of person who used to want so much, and knows there is so much, but doesn’t know exactly what that is or means. And all of a sudden it’s slipped through your fingers.

We took the bus together. Met a random man from England who was very chatty and I just nodded, pretending to understand the heavy accent. We started talking to the random girl next to us as well. We talked about what a random meeting it was, just four strangers in a bus. Then we made it to the main station and went our separate ways.

I took the final bus to the airport where I slept overnight and flew to New York the next day.

This story doesn’t really have a point. Or maybe this: How can you save people? I just want to be better at helping, I wanted to say exactly what that guy at the bus stop needed to hear, but I felt like I just got too chatty with my advice. I should have let him talk more. If nothing else because I’m curious now. And also this: I like the people you meet while moving, but I love in some sad way the people who are also moving. And it’s nice meeting them on multicoloured streets under black nights. I wish I could do something for them and us. What if you had a place where the travellers could just come and stay for a bit, for free somehow or to really connect and put their stuff down for a while. Something.
And lastly this: I just hope he finds the right people, good people, to surround himself with. I think he’s looking for streets to sleep on and it could end so badly or it could end well. I wish home upon all of us. In all of us: safety.

Sunday thoughts (2)

(From a weekend away with my church. We do this every autumn, go somewhere and fill the days with get-to-know-each-other-games and bible studies. When I was a kid it was the biggest event of the year, sharing a room with friends and staying up til midnight. It’s different now, not bad though. This year I had deep conversations with the adults. I’m in between categories.)

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Anyway, thought of the week:
Maybe your weakness is revealed not so you can finally get out of it, but so that you can be in it. Stay in the place of desperation. Find yourself in humility.

Tokyo

I’m in Tokyo for three weeks, on outreach with YWAM(!!!!!) It’s insane and crazy and surreal, and so very Japan.

Japan is so Japan. Which sounds stupid, like the way I couldn’t stop talking about how American everything in America was when I first came there. But it’s like my favourite thing in the world. That regardless of globalization and urbanization and communication the houses are different and the sound of the river is different and the wind is different.

(That’s about all I have to say because I haven’t realised I’m actually here yet, but here are some city gifs)

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(Good night)

Friday oct 27th

(Journal entry)

Life is so interesting.

I’ve broken down many times, in many ways.

The autumn of my last year in school, I reached a point – several times – where I physically couldn’t do anything but sit in bed and finally ask for help.

On outreach to Kenya I broke down and then did things anyway.

And while working as a teacher I had to, well, quit working as a teacher because of where it brought me.

I keep walking into walls. Running into them in fact, heart first. I think I should learn to hit them with my shoulders instead, so that I don’t break into a million pieces. But I do also think I’ll be the one to tear them down.

October (already)

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(Yesterday, borrowing my roommates car.)

I’ve had too many days

In these last few days

To write about all of them.

I was thinking about it a few weeks ago, when we went to Walmart in the middle of the night to buy things for a friend’s birthday. That’s crazy! It was an adventure, such a day, such a whole day and night to write about. Maybe I’m too excited, or actually I don’t care if I’m too excited, joy belongs to the people too excited. But then the next day something new happened, and I never did write.

My life feels full of those days lately.

(And that’s good. I document things that are rare.)

(again)

I came home wednesday feeling like there was nothing left of me. Or maybe like I was an aquarium, filled to the brim with water that could flood my eyes or hands at any moment.

I suppose it was some sort of emotional exhaustion. There were all the things I wrote about in the last post, but then it just continues. Saying goodbye to people I won’t see before I go, having my last day in school and saying goodbye to students and teachers, hanging out with friends and having our annual ‘summer is here’ restaurant visit with the family. I came home from that and it was as if each of my limbs felt different things. Maybe the stress was in my right arm and the calm in my left. I was left feeling nothing. As if they cancelled each other out.

Anyway, then I went to bed, and felt better when I woke up. It’s weird how simple complicated things are. And now start the last few days of being home, packing, and occasionally hanging out with someone and saying goodbye. Maybe I’ll go make pancakes for breakfast.

Goodbye (again)

(Sunday 11/6)

I say again without knowing when last time saying it was. I feel like I’ve said a lot of goodbyes, but maybe that’s just generally a very human thing.

Anyway, I travel to america in a bit more than a week. My sister has graduated and all my relatives celebrated her and said goodbye to me. Today I led the meating in church and they prayed for me before I go. Happy happy sad sad.

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Graduatioooon

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Spending some time with the cousins so that they don’t forget me when I’m gone.

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The whole family, out in the garden a random summer evening at nine pm.

A lot of ‘lasts’, makes everything shine a little brighter.

Night.