Tag Archives: writing

“The Sad”

Posted on by under Book Reviews, Longer thoughts

In the book The bell jar, by Sylvia Plath, she describes her depression as a glass bell jar, lowering itself upon her and making the air around her stale. I don’t know if I’ve ever been depressed, and I don’t think that I would describe it as a bell jar, but I do have a sadness that descends upon me every now and then. It doesn’t seem to ever leave me completely alone. Even during some of the best times of my life, it has creeped up on me. I’ts been okay though, because it’s been during moments when I’ve been able to handle it.

“The sad” is not the opposite of happiness, it’s just a the-world-is-turning-slower, I-notice-everything feeling of melancholy. It’s not necessary a bad thing, and I think I might even be okay with it following me for the rest of my life, because I think it’s linked to a lot of other parts of myself that I like and appreciate.

I’m just not handling it all too well right now. Which is why I’ve been trying to write something on this blog for days without being able to bring myself to do it. I’m not dealing with it in the right way. I know that, but I don’t really now how to change it, because of the sad. Or maybe that’s just an excuse.

Anyway. I hope you’re having a good day, and that you take time for all of those things that are more important than time. Bye.

Ten Days

Posted on by under life

I’ve been absent from this blog because my German friends were visiting for 10 days, and I wanted to be entertaining. Here are some photos of my attempts at introducing them to the swedish culture.

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We went to cozy cafés and my friend took photos of all the cakes and tried to figure out the ingredients.

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My girls helped picking flowers for my dads 50th birthday, and all my relatives thought they were lovely.

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I tried to do most of my studying while they were busy or (almost) sleeping.

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And on the last day we went out with the boat. Here is when we parked/crashed into a tree, to have some hot chocolate.

It’s a bit empty now, but I’m still happy happy and grateful, because it’s been so good. And now spring is coming and time is moving softly, slowly, but securely.

Joy to you (don’t be alone) ★

Bus thoughts (on Art)

Posted on by under life, Longer thoughts

What’s the point of anything? I don’t know. But it exists. And we exist. The things around us are what we know,  the sound of the bus, the trees outside the window, that’s reality right now. And I can change that. I sing a song under my breath, and suddenly that’s the sound of the world right now. I can make a sculpture, so that’s what people see. We can change what’s around us, change what this is, and so change who we are. There’s so much space, and art is being intentional when filling it up.

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That’s the only meaning we know.

Walking Thoughts of a Sunday Evening

Posted on by under notes

I walked through the forest today, just after the sun had set, but while the sky was still clear enough that it could have been a cloudy midday. The birds were singing like crazy, as if trying to call the day back. The forest floor was covered in green leaves and white buds that made my heart hurt. Soon those flowers will bloom and it will look like it has been snowing again, until they die and leave space for summer. I looked and walked and thought that this was the saddest sadness I’d ever seen. The birds see death and think of birth, and I see birth and think of death.

Necessary procrastination

Posted on by under Longer thoughts

The word procrastination does not exist in the swedish language. We have a word that means to push something to the future, but procrastinating is not just postponing something, it’s the verb for what you’re actually doing while pushing something to the future. So it describes doing something, but it describes it not by saying what you’re doing, but by saying what you are NOT. (weird word, I like it)

Sometimes though, I think the subconscious processing of thoughts is undervalued. 

It always makes me think about a story I heard once. It’s about the emperor of China or something, and how he told an artist to paint the most beautiful painting ever (of some motif, I don’t remember). The artist spent years working on his painting, but when he was supposed to be done, he asked for another year, and another, saying he was not quite finished. When he finally appeared before the emperor and uncovered the canvas, it was empty. He then took his paints out, and painted the most beautiful painting in 15 minutes. 

How long did it take for the artist to paint the picture? 15 minutes? Or all those years?

I can usually write a school essay because I’ve been writing it for a long time. Even if I write it the night before it’s due, it’s been in the back of my mind for a long time.

The question is, is it better to consciously decide to do something later, instead of constantly pushing it to the next minute? Do some intentional procrastinating? (I suppose that’s called planning) Or is the stress necessary to constantly have it there in the back of your mind?

I don’t know. I don’t have enough patience to finish writing about this.

(no)tes.

Posted on by under notes

I was going to write something on this blog today.

But then I thought (no).

But then I thought yes. Because I don’t really have anything I feel like saying right now, but I have tons of notes on my phone and on various pieces of paper. So here are some of the things I’ve thought and written down lately:

  • Growing up is a bit like biting into a cloud and expecting the chewiness of marshmallows, or the taste of childhood dreams, but just finding your own teeth.
  • Fiction is a wonderful way of describing things that are real, through things that are not.
  • It’s a big thing, to deal with your feelings and know who you are.
  • Oh to not collapse under the weight of your own breathing.
  • Maybe we’re all just scared that our demons are the only ones who actually know who we are.
  • (There’s nothing under your skin. There’s no one beneath your bones.)
  • When you don’t want to have the made up responsibilities associated with being human, remember that you don’t.

Good night, sleep well, sweet dreams.

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2016

Posted on by under life

The thing is, 2016 was a good year. Great year, 9/10 (always leave space for things to get better).

Because one of my biggest fears is that – because of fear – I’ll never get to do any of the things I want to do. But this year I moved away from home for the first time, lived abroad. Had several different lifestyles and different jobs. I was challenged and matured and met a whole new family of friends. Got to go to the US, Kenya, Denmark, Germany, Hungary, Austria, and then Germany again. That’s actually crazy?? I’ve lived in 2016 for a lifetime. And those are the kind of years I want. Let’s dare to believe that things get even better.

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Golden paper on the table so that we could make party hats. We look fabulous.