A Swedish Christmas.

Like always. I keep thinking that I won’t make it home for Christmas, but this year – again – it just happened to work with my travel plans. Nice, but at some point I also want to be dramatically missed. Sweetly told somewhere that ‘is it not difficult being without your family?’ but also surrounded by good enough people that it isn’t, not really. Maybe next year.

(But to clarify, it is amazing being home. I have an amazingly amazing family. Here we are on a frozen lake my grandma later told us not to walk on.)




And now, writing this, it’s the dark evening leading up to the new year. My head is pounding and I want to sleep sort of, but I think I’ll read some poetry and stay awake the way you’re supposed to. I’ll wait a bit longer. That’s been the theme of my whole year.

(Does it sound like I’m not happy? I’m happy. Just on my period, ya know girls. I’m good.)


Went cross country skiing today. Then I drank hot chocolate and ate waffles and got really emotional about this place I’ve been visiting for as long as I can remember.


(The thing about skiing is that it’s in my blood and bones, it’s what my dad and grandpa and great grandma did, it’s old and Swedish and the forests are dark and the views beautiful. It’s freedom and being out of breath and so much pressure. It’s me as a little girl. And it’s weird to think about the people working here, the guy preparing the tracks outside the window right now, or anyone else who’s been here. Weird that this place could mean even more to any of them.)

Weather Change

The 2nd of January:


The 3rd of January:


Honestly, what’s going on? This horrible winter weather is good though, what January is supposed to be like. It makes me want to stay inside and listen to good music. (Like this amazing live Bon Iver concert: https://youtu.be/YJNi7aRwUzU )

The Storm

I walked through a storm today. It’s sweeping over this dark country, we call it Helga like the girls name, like the old Swedish word for holy, like the songs sung at christmas and it makes the trees feel tall and loud. The sky throws things at us. There’s inspiration making my veins itchy. Why? Why now, when I’ve had a self absorbed no thoughts – all thoughts day. When I’ve forgotten to tell myself I’m brave ages ago. I walked through a storm today and it TORE THE BREATH FRom my lungs and I only ever scream when I’m silent.

A day or two

I’ve realised that I rarely do the whole traditional blogging thing, when you talk about what you’re actually doing with your life. Mainly because whatever I write about I tend to mix in my emotions and feeling and just write a text on the topic. Like writing about how cozy markets are, instead of telling you that I went to one today. But I did. So.
It’s been a few quite nice days. School’s okay, just relatively boring yet somehow stressful. I had an english presentation yesterday which I kind of improvised, because I’d learned a lot about the topic but I hadn’t really written any keywords, meaning that I during the presentation constantly started sentences that I had no idea how to finish and tried to look relaxed while making confused faces in my head.
Also, I already had enough courses so I didn’t have to study maths this last term (swedish school system, it’s complicated), giving me a lot of free periods. Which I was so excited about, but do you know how difficult it is to actually get something done when having a free period? So I’ve spent quite some time procrastinating. As usual.
And okay, fast forward, because this was just going to be a short post. We have this annual market in my town this week and it’s cozy to see the transformation of our centre. It’s a lot of snow but today it was raining a bit despite the cold and we had to take a break from walking through the market just to sit inside of a café and get warm again, drinking hot chocolate. Oh, and I also bought donuts at the market, but they had run out of the ones with smarties, so they made completely fresh ones! Dipped them in melted chocolate and smarties so that it dripped and I got it all over my face when trying to eat, but it was pretty dang good. So yeah, I always feel like I’m boring when I write things like this, but hopefully you’ll survive. Oh, and I have some pictures too!

Snow and sun is da best combination


Hot chocolate with los friendos


Bracelet I bought at the market, traditionally crafted and made out of reindeer horn with the Samian symbols for sun and moon (reminds me of that game of thrones quote..?)

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Aaaand a random picture of me looking a bit drugged