Flowers and rain.
Midsummers Eve
Flowers and rain.
Tag Archives: summer
Sister and sister
Me with my actual sister
(in the city, eating ice cream and waiting for the bus home in the 9 pm sunset. I had given her lion face paint at a carneval).
Me with my “I have known your name since before I remember being a person” sister
(in her uncle’s cabin that she has the key to, where we went to spend a day painting but actually spent a day talking).
To the writer who won’t start writing (so, me)
Stop looking for the perfect story and choose a real one. (Your heroine doesn’t need freckles or a specific hair colour and your love interest doesn’t need his eyes described in detail. It would be more interesting hearing your story from the point of a view of a baby. It would be more interesting if everyone wasn’t so morally good. It would be more interesting if you didn’t care so much that you ruined it.)
Goodbye (again)
(Sunday 11/6)
I say again without knowing when last time saying it was. I feel like I’ve said a lot of goodbyes, but maybe that’s just generally a very human thing.
Anyway, I travel to america in a bit more than a week. My sister has graduated and all my relatives celebrated her and said goodbye to me. Today I led the meating in church and they prayed for me before I go. Happy happy sad sad.
Graduatioooon
Spending some time with the cousins so that they don’t forget me when I’m gone.
The whole family, out in the garden a random summer evening at nine pm.
A lot of ‘lasts’, makes everything shine a little brighter.
Night.
Walking Thoughts of a Sunday Evening
I walked through the forest today, just after the sun had set, but while the sky was still clear enough that it could have been a cloudy midday. The birds were singing like crazy, as if trying to call the day back. The forest floor was covered in green leaves and white buds that made my heart hurt. Soon those flowers will bloom and it will look like it has been snowing again, until they die and leave space for summer. I looked and walked and thought that this was the saddest sadness I’d ever seen. The birds see death and think of birth, and I see birth and think of death.
Teaching and Learning
I’ve now worked 6 days as an English teacher. And I’ve concluded that teachers deserve a weekend after every day. Most people do I guess, but last week really felt like an eternity. I have almost 150 students, divided into 7 classes, and I’ve never done this before. LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME, I have no idea what I’m doing. The week before all the students arrived we were supposed to prepare and stuff, and I literally spent some time just writing nonsense on a paper so that at least I would look busy.
I’m figuring it out though. And I do like it. Today, monday again, and I didn’t have the constant nervousness making me tense from the core. And I like standing in front of a class. But time is not enough, so much more to do at every moment. I live and breathe this, but I guess that’s a thing of habit too. Maybe in a few weeks I’ll be able to relax more. Until then, I’ll just try to do this as well as I can.
And I just wanted to write this short update since I don’t think I’ve even mentioned this job here. I’m only gonna work until christmas though, since they can’t hire anyone for longer if they’re not a legit teacher, which I’m not. And that’s okay, then I’ll do something else. I don’t really know what yet.
And now, before we go, some hipster pictures from spending the friday night in our summer house.
Oh, and a GIF from when we tried to go paddling and rowing. Only to realize that we forgot the key to our boat and canoe. They’re locked together. But we decided to try anyways. Did not get very far but we had fun, sometimes life’s like that. 
Good night!
2016.03.06
The first time I saw you guys, one of you wore these really short shorts and cowboy boots, and that’s not why I noticed you (it’s really not, shut up), but because who I’d guess is your girlfriend was sitting a few metres away from me, overlooking the sea, and you were making these weird poses trying to get the perfect photo of her. You were some of those real life tumblr persons in a city in Florida where everyone is over 60.
The next time I saw you, we were waiting for the bus by a famous beach, and you told us it’s okay, the bus here is always late. We thought we’d missed it and planned to walk back to the base. Thank you. My friend spoke to you, about how we always move in groups, the students from my DTS, and how everything looks like a cute field trip. You seemed nice, funny and sweet in that sort of self conscious way that’s relatable. And you seem happy together. I like your clothes. You were the center of different universes standing next to us, I hope you have good passions and places and people.
I hurt myself in the weirdest of ways
The headline sounds like this could be a poem, but it’s the story of how I walked into a wall. I found it in my old notes and thought I’d share it. So, sometime during the summer of 2015:
I woke up yesterday morning with a horrible pain in my back. I twisted and turned under the covers, but noticed that it was impossible to make it feel better, so I decided to stand up and go inside. Now, if you’ve read my blog for a while you know that I sort of live in a cabin in our garden, so this meant putting shoes on and crossing the lawn. And suddenly, while doing this, my vision started getting blurry along the edges. More and more of it turned black, you know the way it does when you stand up too fast, but then it didn’t stop and I realised that I had my eyes open and still couldn’t see anything. Delirious as I was my first thought was that then I simply had to feel my way inside, so I put my arms out to try and find the house wall. In my mind this was completely graceful. I tried to take a few steps forward. In reality I ran/stumbled a few steps and then crashed right into our porch.
I just imagine how this must have looked if any of the neighbours were watching. The girl next door wearing a huge white t shirt and clogs while stumbling across the grass and walking straight into the house before collapsing onto the grass, and then just sort of staying there even though it was quite a cold summer morning and had rained during the night. Wow. After a while I managed to stand up again and make my way inside, laying on the floor until everything stopped spinning. And that’s probably the most interesting thing that’s happened in my life lately.
(Fascinating)
All Good Things Are Wild and Free
I stayed behind yesterday. We went downtown to have a photoshoot and I stayed when my friends went back. I walked around in that detached-from-reality kind of way and looked at how the city I stay in looks like a postcard. Clear skies and shiny metal buildings and palms and palms and palms, sun that makes your face melt off.
Then I sat down on the rocks and was happy.
And this might sound sad, but I loved going to a sea that wasn’t full of memories. In Sweden it’s tiny towns and cozy houses and driftwood, people with wrinkles too deep, an ocean that slowly breaks everything. Here everything just is. No childhood memories. Just sturdy rocks and people dancing.
The bridge before I ran over it.
The bridge after I ran over it, resting on a bench in the shade. My face was so red people gave me worried glances when they saw me.
My postcard wish is that you don’t send me home.
(Also, backstage from the photoshoot..:
wow)
Lack of school
For the first time in my life I don’t start school in the autumn. It’s weird, like one summer I just quit and didn’t come back. I can’t decide if that means my summer holiday is nonexistent – because I don’t have anything to take vacation from – or if it’s eternal. I would write more, but for some reason the words are running away from me. My thoughts want to stay in my head, or maybe I don’t know what I think. I’m scared, anyway. Terrified of the future, and whenever I tell someone my age, they say that they are too. That only sort of helps. I suppose the problem is that we don’t have any excuses left. We’re not stuck anymore. But we are. Stuck in our heads and stuck in the realisation that you need money for everything. Stuck in believing money is the necessary-iest. I don’t really know where to go, and all my energy goes to convincing myself that’s okay.
eirians 