“The Sad”

In the book The bell jar, by Sylvia Plath, she describes her depression as a glass bell jar, lowering itself upon her and making the air around her stale. I don’t know if I’ve ever been depressed, and I don’t think that I would describe it as a bell jar, but I do have a sadness that descends upon me every now and then. It doesn’t seem to ever leave me completely alone. Even during some of the best times of my life, it has creeped up on me. I’ts been okay though, because it’s been during moments when I’ve been able to handle it.

“The sad” is not the opposite of happiness, it’s just a the-world-is-turning-slower, I-notice-everything feeling of melancholy. It’s not necessary a bad thing, and I think I might even be okay with it following me for the rest of my life, because I think it’s linked to a lot of other parts of myself that I like and appreciate.

I’m just not handling it all too well right now. Which is why I’ve been trying to write something on this blog for days without being able to bring myself to do it. I’m not dealing with it in the right way. I know that, but I don’t really now how to change it, because of the sad. Or maybe that’s just an excuse.

Anyway. I hope you’re having a good day, and that you take time for all of those things that are more important than time. Bye.

Happy by night

I don’t even like the things that I like. By night I live, by night I grow and create and awaken, yet at night I fall. Deeper and deeper into myself since there’s no one else around to catch me. I love the freedom but hate that I’m not strong enough to handle it. Thank God I don’t have to do it on my own anyway. Because I want to stand up against thoughts that crowd my brain when the lights go out after having waited hours for me to let my guard down. I do not want to be afraid of the dark but I do not want to be in love with it either. Please, let me be happy by night.