Goodbye (again)

(Sunday 11/6)

I say again without knowing when last time saying it was. I feel like I’ve said a lot of goodbyes, but maybe that’s just generally a very human thing.

Anyway, I travel to america in a bit more than a week. My sister has graduated and all my relatives celebrated her and said goodbye to me. Today I led the meating in church and they prayed for me before I go. Happy happy sad sad.

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Graduatioooon

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Spending some time with the cousins so that they don’t forget me when I’m gone.

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The whole family, out in the garden a random summer evening at nine pm.

A lot of ‘lasts’, makes everything shine a little brighter.

Night.

Prom and Graduation Photobooomb

Because I realised I’ve forgotten to upload any of this.. Prom was great, but mostly due to the whole dressing up part, apart from that it was mostly a dinner and then going to the club. Graduation – I don’t even know – it was probably the most intense day of my life and now it feels like a dream, but in a good way haha. Anyway, let the photobombing start.

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Aaaand the day of my graduation. I realised these pictures might seem a bit strange if you’re not familiar with the classic Swedish graduation traditions, but well just.. don’t.. question it.

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If you’re in school, believe me when I say it will be over in the blink of an eye. Enjoy it. (But also remember that then the rest of your life starts, and that.. is gonna be good)

Happy endings

I just handed in my last essay. 2 days to prom, 11 days til I graduate, and I have no more tests. No more essays. Quizzes, presentations.. it’s over. And what if I never study again? I don’t know where life’s gonna take me, but what if I don’t? Then I’m done. I can focus the rest of my life on doing what I want. I can learn because I want to and not because there’s a deadline tomorrow. So I’m just very excited and wanted to share it with you.

And my last blog post started off with me saying I don’t like endings. You know what? Sometimes I kinda do.

Completely irrelevant photo I took a while ago, because pictures making every blog post nicer, even when it's just random rambling.

Completely irrelevant photo I took a while ago, because pictures just make every blog post nicer, even random rambling.

To the future and beyond (look forward to prom pictures!!).

Last dance

I don’t like endings.

There something special about being backstage. Too many lights and wires you’re not allowed to touch, your own little corner where you put your things, and the way you see the entire show being built up and practiced. And then the doors open, and for a few hours people get to see what you have been working on for weeks, months. And then the doors close and everything gets shut down and is no more. It’s not a painting or poem to keep. The performance only exists when you perform it, and then it’s forever gone.

I can usually look forward to do it all over again the next year, but now I graduate and have to quit just when I feel like I actually know everyone.

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So yeah, and I cried. Which was awkward, because my face gets completely red and I can’t hide it at all, and everyone get really surprised and slightly scared because I don’t usually cry and no one expects it from me. I wasn’t really that sad though. It’s just way too good, so when the curtains fall for the last time, I panic because it’s over it’s over it’s over.

Love

 

Skies and sleep

Today I woke up twice, once at dawn and once at sunset. When I woke up in the morning everything smelt like rain. The sky was blue but the early sun reflected in dark grey clouds sinking to the horizon and everything was wet so I suppose it rained during the night.
     I went to school and found out that my only class was cancelled and went back home.
     I walked half an hour to take the bus to go to the dentist. I get on the bus in the middle of nowhere when I take that bus, so I walk away from my neighbourhood and further until I reach the motorway and walk in the tunnel underneath it and everything around me is green fields as long as I can see. I left my things at the bus stop on a long open road and ran away to pick the flowers I saw earlier, but when I was almost there I saw the bus coming over a hill and had to run back. I picked a small white flower outside the dentist office instead and it’s pressed between the pages of my notebook.
     When I got home I did the perfect four things that I know make me happy, but still rarely do; 1. Jog 2. Shower 3. Eat 4. Sleep. Without any distractions or pointless internet-browsing. So that’s why I woke up now in sunset again. At first I thought the sky was grey and that you could barely see the sun through the clouds. Then I just realised that it already had sunken right under the horizon and the sky was actually clear, but so devoid of colour that it was a light grey instead of blue. I lied in bed for a while, looked through my big windows. Picked up three different books and read a few pages of each.
     And now I’ve gone back inside for that pointless interest-browsing and some toast. Though writing is rarely pointless, I think. And maybe I should not despise my internet-browsing so much, because sometimes I rather have to convince myself to like the person I am at the computer to make me stop wasting time on it.
     Anyway. The sky is black when I walk back out. Stars and stars and stars above. It’s 29 days in school until our final grades are to be written into the system and then I graduate a few days later. And now life manages to be really calm and slow and stressful at the same time. Even though I’m excited for everything that comes after, it feels like I have an entire life to live until then. One of those eternities within eternities.