I’m trying this out. I’ve always hated mornings with a burning passion and it bothers me that they’re so necessary, that the start of the day shapes the rest of it. Not completely, but I wish it had zero impact. To me, the point of the No media before breakfast rule is to start out stable. We hear so much, listen to so much and choose to look at so much without caring as much about not letting it be the ruler of us. Not caring about how much impact it has on us. I want to start the day off knowing who I am, knowing who God is and just enjoy reality for a while. Then I allow myself to escape it, but I always try to love reality the most. Because when I don’t, it wrecks me. When I don’t, I just spiral down further into the unrealistic dream of actually managing to escape reality. But we can’t. And reality is where I find the actual happiness anyway, the type that is free from pain.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in things I want to do and feel like doing and don’t feel like doing and kinda have to anyway, that I forget to stop thinking. I forget to feel life, and start to experience it simply with my mind. And then I’m suddenly shaken alive, God wakes my soul up, and so I go back to feeling. I feel everything and it’s like having an additional sense. Or bigger than that, like the way I normally go around, thinking about stuff and experiencing them with all my senses, is fine. But what a poor way to live. And when I go back to happiness that warms my heart and tears that wrecks it, it’s like all my senses had lost their meaning until now when my heart feels what it knows so it can believe it.