I like it when the weather is feeling slightly confused.
Gift
Look at this beautiful scarf my friend got me from Vietnam.
I forgot my heart
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in things I want to do and feel like doing and don’t feel like doing and kinda have to anyway, that I forget to stop thinking. I forget to feel life, and start to experience it simply with my mind. And then I’m suddenly shaken alive, God wakes my soul up, and so I go back to feeling. I feel everything and it’s like having an additional sense. Or bigger than that, like the way I normally go around, thinking about stuff and experiencing them with all my senses, is fine. But what a poor way to live. And when I go back to happiness that warms my heart and tears that wrecks it, it’s like all my senses had lost their meaning until now when my heart feels what it knows so it can believe it.
Moleskine drawings
I recently fell for the peer pressure and bought myself a moleskine notebook. I never quite got why they were so special, but then stumbled upon great things about them on the internet and when I found out they were used by people like Hemingway, Van Gogh and Picasso I couldn’t quite resist. So anyway, I thought I was gonna post a few images of what I’ve created in mine so far.
Early spring
The air is crispy fresh and that’s what I’ve missed the most. Also, today I saw the first.. Hepatica I think it’s called in english? And dear friends, to me that flower is the banner of spring, it means winter is beaten.
^Chilling watching some Pretty little liars, relatively unrelated to the rest of the post but randomness is my motto.
Let me breathe
The world is collapsing in on me, suffocating me and pressing me down, collapsing me in on myself. I spend too much time in the presence of only my own simple being, and my latest theory, the one that I came up with on the bus on my way home, is that it’s ruining me. It’s breaking me because it’s making my world smaller. I realized that I haven’t been out of the house without reason for a long time. I make my way to school, I make my way to the bus and back from the bus and a few times every day I go out to my house, since I live in a little cabin in our backyard. And every time I go there, I take a few seconds to just stand in our garden and look up at the clouded sky. And I never realized that I need more of that, it’s droplets when I crave rivers.
Today it’s hate-weather, the type that makes my friends sigh, but I suddenly realized the freedom of it. The sky is clouded but the spring is closing in and the days aren’t as dark anymore. Small drops of rain are falling from the sky, but it’s fresh. And I suddenly realized that I need a freaking walk. I need to leave my headphones at home and just walk through the forest. And I realized that I like this weather because the world feels so empty. Empty, yet open. I need to go outside of all the things we humans have built for ourselves and I need to make the world feel like mine and let nature feel like I belong to it. I need to breathe.
Art + stydying
I have this thing, especially in maths, where I write my notes really really small. Because, well, I think it looks pretty. And making something beautiful kind of distracts me from how boring it is. Or not that boring, I kinda like maths, it’s just… ugh, not my favourite activity first thing in the morning. So anyway, I present to you, the most environmentally friendly way to go through school, I think this book is gonna last me until I graduate.
Well, at least it’s good to know I’ve done something with my life.
The hidden days
Sometimes I question why I live in Sweden. Half the year, the sun barely makes it over the horizon, and when it does it’s like it’s still having trouble finding out how to actually warm something up. I love winter, sometimes I just think about my friend in France who can live close to the alps and close to the snow while still not having that dark season.
Then I remember the hidden days. You might have heard about the midnight sun. In the north of Sweden the sun doesn’t set at all in the middle of summer, it just sinks down to touch the horizon until it rises again. It’s not that extreme where I live, but still. I mostly think about it when travelling, when I see places where it’s not like that. And then I realize how much it’s worth to me, that extra amount of day you get when the sun diminishes the night into nothing. The hidden days, hiding after what would be sunset in the wintertime, but now is laid open for us, free to invade with late walks, midnight swimming and laughter while looking for berries and inhaling the fresh forest air.
There’s a bittersweetness about the swedish summer that used to make my teenage heart uneasy, longing instead for more exotic adventures and freedom from family, but I realize that I was falling for it during all that time. Falling in love with the hidden days, so fleeting in their passing and so easily broken by winter, but smelling like grass and wild strawberries and oh so sweet childhood memories. They’ve nestled into my heart together with the people I used to experience them with and now they’ll always be home to me.
Summer, I miss your light
It bothers me a bit
People that work exclusively as a group, that look so lost when they have to stand on their own. And people that don’t want to tell me things they do because apparently I’m too… kindhearted. When a group of people are so wrapped up in the way they think and always have that when they get an outside perspective they do not want to hear it. And this is a bit more extreme than my friends, but when people try to take you down to their level so that you can’t judge them anymore and they won’t feel as bad about what they do? It bothers me a bit. People in general find it so much easier to ignore things in their silent minds than when they hear about it from someone else, and a lot of time they quiet that outside voice to quiet their conscience. It’s a classic case of I can put a hand over the mouth of my mind but not over yours.
eirians 