Final dance

Posted on by under life

So now this year’s dance shows are over, they turned out to be unexpectedly many. This theater teacher saw us dance to a song they were gonna have in their production, so she invited us to dance there to, and in addition they needed more pirates in the play so we got to dress up and act a tiny bit! I think acting might be one of the most difficult creative things to do. I realize the few times that I try that I don’t know what a human really does or act or look like in different situations. Acting is about observing people, just like drawing or writing, but then to show the truth about the people you observe using your own body is impressing. But fun. And in the end we even got roses for our trouble!

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Drunk on feelings

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I’m a drug addict, but instead of atoms you’ll find feelings injected in my veins, and I crave them. Crave them when I feel way to empty, and the longing after them might paradoxically be the strongest of them. I want to define them, ground them, put them down on pages and scream them out in words. Paint my skin with their colour and patterns and let the water in the watercolour paintings of them run down the walls. I’ve never considered myself a happy person, because I have this. Because when I’m far away from God I’m drowning. My heart can find no peace and so I climb the walls and tear at my skin and curse the laziness that just makes me want to sleep when my brain is to high to find any rest. I used to think I was controlled by my thoughts because I’m always thinking too much, but what I’m thinking about is now and always depending on what I’m feeling, with no rationality or logic to remind me that sadness or joy is temporary. I’m an addict because my feelings control me way to much and I love them.

Update!

Posted on by under life

So the keyboard on my computer broke down! And so I had to send it in to be fixed but it’s back now and so am I. It’s that time of the year where every second of every day is taken up by something you should do, two weeks packed with national tests, oral presentations, dance lessons nearly every day, an animated movie I have to make and a few more things. I hate it and absolutely love it. And when I finish that movie I have to make I’ll probably upload it to youtube so I’ll link it from here. It’s my astronomy project and the title is Science – fiction and non-fiction. So anyway, now that I’m back I will, well hopefully post here every day, muchos hugs to everyone.

Painting and spring

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I’m painting a wall at the moment. There’s this place where I have my art classes and we asked if we could transform one of the boring walls in the corridor into a jungle. We could. I’m here a lot during the breaks, and my teacher brought us a kettle so that we could boil our tea. So that’s how I spend my days, leaving early in the morning with the bus to go painting for the entire day except for when I’m drinking my tea or eating, and sometimes taking a break just sketching or drawing something of my own. Then I arrive home before the sun sets, so I don’t miss it. I wouldn’t want to miss the beginning of spring, it’s the classic swedish april. We even have a name, april-weather, which describes the weather of the month and can be applied to any other time when it’s like that. It can snow one day and then you can walk barefoot the next. Then it’s raining for a week and then it almost feels like summer. April-weather means confused weather, pretty much. And I do not want to miss the moments of sunshine I have, so I leave this place fairly early, face without makeup and splotches of colour on my hands.

Ego

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I’m made of flaws, insecurities stitched together. I’m the most confident person in the world, yet people terrify me. I don’t trust them, I trust me, but I do not trust them to not judge me whenever I’m trying to make a joke or laugh too loud. It’s so beautiful being around people you love, and whom you know love you back. Still, I egoistically rejoice in the feeling of having people love you more than you love them. Simply because it’s an ego-boost. The problem of the world lies in us trying to fall in love with ourselves instead of simply being ourselves and falling in love with other people.