I Fell Into the Ocean

Posted on by under life

In Kenya.

One of the last days I was there.

Now the thing is, having lived without real bathrooms and beds for two months, I felt like it was okay to look forward to just relaxing in front of the computer when I got back.

But it fell into the ocean. With all my pictures from the journey, all old documents of things I’d written. And my phone fell as well. My camera, my lens, passport, notebooks, money, e-reader.. I fell into the ocean and I took my bag with me.

I felt empty. And sad, I don’t know why I’m always sad. But also changed, even now when I feel a lot better about it, I still feel different.Which is weird and pretentious, like something that would happen in a book. But I really do feel as if something inevitably changed in me.

And I like it, I feel free, but it also means blog posts will be more rare, and it annoys me to death that I can’t take photos. (So I guess I’ll have to write it).

Back from Kenya

Posted on by under life

So after two months in Kenya I have concluded that Africa makes me very sad. And very, very happy. (Like all places.)

In my backpack I have a necklace given to me by a girl from the Turkana tribe, who couldn’t speak english because she’ll never be allowed to go to school. That’s what all her colourful necklaces meant, she was around ten years old and soon she’ll be ready to get married.

And she gave one to me.

I feel a little bit like there are too many stories to tell. I don’t just want to blog about the past, but still I think they’ll sneak into coming blog posts.

So anyway, now I’m back “home” in Florida. For two weeks.

Reverse ’To Watch’ List #1

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You know that list in your head, of movies you want to watch but never do? And if you do watch them, you forget about it. So, these are a few movies that used to be in my ‘To watch’ list but I’ve now seen! And they were all so freakin’ good, several are new favourites.

  • Kill Bill
  • Moulin Rouge
  • Bird Man
  • The Breakfast Club
  • Pulp Fiction
  • Interstellar
  • Fight Club

Externally Internally Processing

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I mostly fight with ideas, wrestle with concepts. And when I do, they drip out through everything I say. It will be the perspective with which I listen to you, what I comment on during bible studies. So I walk around mentioning things for weeks, walking in circles around them, until I finally get them and actually can explain how it all goes together in a way that make sense.

Kenya Excitement

Posted on by under life, travel

In some groups I feel like I have to sit orderly in my seat, but in some I can just collapse on the floor without caring. My outreach team is that sort of group. The guys I go with on a missions trip to Kenya in a month, we hang out and prepare and feel like a family. And I feel like I haven’t been a good speaker lately, but I was gonna do a short preaching for them, for practice, and I could just relax and share my thoughts and I think I got some confidence back. It’s funny, like God knows that Kenya was not my first choice for outreach location so he surprises me by giving me the best people to go with instead.

And I started thinking about the backpack I will carry. I wrote a blog post about it more than a year ago, Here, where I said that it stands in the corner of my cabin like a promise. It’s here now, in the house I share with eight other girls in Florida, USA. I will carry it all over Kenya. And then somewhere else. And I can’t believe that this is my now now, but that backpack will also remain my promise.

DSC_1256

Florida mornings and full moon.

X

Posted on by under notes

Put away all of the church. All of the regret. Put away all your ideas, your climbing imagination. Throw out misconceptions, the clothes you’re supposed to wear. Put away what’s around you and the sound of wanting for yourself. And focus on the love without veils between you and your friend who is the highest of highest on high.