There’s an insecurity in me that this blog heals. Heals, because I have to finish things here. I have to publish them. I have to be done. I have to decide on an ending and go with it.
I tend to use several words when I write, trying, searching, looking for whatever is the right one. There’s no right one. I’m just scared to settle on one. I want to avoid clarity, so I write everything as if I’m not looking at it.
Category Archives: notes
The effort, and the not
I wonder how much is the effort and how much is the flow. I can’t paint if I think about selling paintings. The pressure destroys the creativity. But I also can’t create if I never feel any pressure. Right? Or is that untrue? If I organize everything else around me to be good, if I’m healthy, happy, would I create without putting the pressure on the creative process itself?
(Is the trying necessary, or would it flow out of me like water if I stopped?)
Notes from Here, from Home
January. The bright, white cold. Minty enough that I feel it in my teeth. I sleep on my loft, right under the angle of the beams, where the heat has risen to.
Climbing down the ladder feels like dipping your feet in ice cold water. Like a summer lake that’s only warm on the surface. I stand up straight and stretch my hands back up and feel it in my fingers, the heat that’s risen and left the floor boards cold.
I’ve been enjoying running. When I come home I’m overheating and warm to the bones, and I can sit out on the porch as I cool down. I get about ten minutes to look at the stars before I start shivering.
A wish to record with my eyes
Can you enjoy things without reflecting on them? Yes, you can only enjoy things without reflection, by just being. But can you enjoy that you enjoy them without reflection?
Sunday thoughts (10)
Faith is sassy. It wears a smile. It’s similar to confidence, except that it’s not confidence in your own characteristics and abilities, but in Gods. It’s similar but with another source. A better source, an unending one. And faith does not contain fear, it’s not passivity in fear of disappointing God, it leads to activity together with Him and for Him, in confidence in who He is and confidence in who He has created us to be in His kingdom. It’s walking and acting and creating, it’s choices and future and an ability to dig into whatever we’re feeling today, because we have an unquenchable hope for the future.
Reminder
Sit and deal with it.
Think about and handle the situation you’re in.
What are you feeling?
Sunday thoughts (9)
To do lists and planning are also times to:
1. sit down and
2. give things to God and
3. honour Him by awareness.
Prayer
You have to tell me
the name of this
is you
A note on my closet door
that says: Warm up, stay afloat, sink into the day.
From my notes
(And the clouds roll in like rivers, stain the sky black over me. Suddenly I don’t believe I can do anything, or be anything, or be brave enough to even be visible.)
eirians 